So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
