Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
