My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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