He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
