so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Is this like a preordered booty call?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
