Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
