Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
