Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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