He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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