I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
