The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
