My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
