Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
