Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
