So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
