I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
