i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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