I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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