Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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