Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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