please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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