as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
