how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
