so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
