His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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