My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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