how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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