saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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