um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
