I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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