dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize