Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
