this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
