I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
