Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
