The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Houston, we have a blender
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
