i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
