worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize