All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
