This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
