i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
