Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
