just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
