Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
