I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She tied me up with her honor cords...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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