I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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