trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
