at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The Olympian is in my bed
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
