I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
