Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
