had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
