Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
