He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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