the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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