My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
