Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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