Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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