soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
