I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
