so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
