Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I enjoy the company of your penis
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
