I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
if only i could text you this smell
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
