just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
