Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
