why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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