your room smells of hookers.
And success
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
