I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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