imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize