do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Dicks are not precious.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
