I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
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