Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
