The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
