Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
