I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
