Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize