Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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