just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
